


This is me trying

by OhDarn116



Category: The Wilds (TV 2020)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Fluff, Girls Kissing, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, Post-Season/Series 01, imma pretend the shark attack didnt happen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-24
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-15 23:20:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28946550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OhDarn116/pseuds/OhDarn116
Summary: 'Shelby exhales and takes a seat on the ledge next to Toni, close enough so she can feel the warmth of her skin, but careful not to touch.“We need to talk,” Shelby says after a moment.Toni closes her eyes. There is it. Those four faithful words she knows the meaning of all too well. The same words her mother uttered to her that night when she told her she’d be leaving. Those same words foster parent after foster parent would set her down to tell her when the time came and they didn’t want her anymore. Those same words Regan had whispered to her the night they broke up. Yes, Toni knows those words very well indeed.'
Relationships: Shelby Goodkind/Toni Shalifoe
Comments: 6
Kudos: 348





	This is me trying

She doesn’t know where the sudden anger comes from, nor why it’s there in the first place. She never has, and probably never will. 

Maybe it’s because each day the promise of rescue dwindles down more and more. Maybe it’s because the morning is unusually hot, and the only water to drink is lukewarm and unrefreshing. Maybe it’s because she feels dirty and sweaty and all she wants is a real shower and a bottle of Gatorade. Or maybe it’s because Fatin won’t stop humming that fucking Taylor Swift song. 

Whatever it is, Toni finds herself boiling over, taking out all her fury on her newfound family. 

It happens when Rachel digs a little too deep, teases her a little too exceedingly than what’s necessary. 

Dot tries holding her back, but once Toni is in the zone, there’s no stopping her. 

Rachel, to her credit, isn’t one to back down from a good scrap either, and soon Toni finds herself in the midst of a fight. 

The other girls aren’t having it though, and end up convincing Rachel to back down, that fighting Toni isn’t worth it. 

But fuck, Toni needs it. She craves the violence, how else is she supposed to get rid of the fire building up inside her chest?

So she lunges again at the person closest to her.

And it’s not like she means to hit Shelby, it just kind of happens. 

The anger flooding through her veins morphs into crippling regret almost immediately after, as she watches the blonde fall back into the sand. 

Her chest tightens when she notices the cut in Shelby’s chin from where she made contact with Toni’s elbow. 

Toni takes a step forward in an effort to reach out to the other girl but stops when she notices the look in her big green eyes: Confusion, betrayal, and what looks to Toni a lot like fear. 

Blood rushes through Toni’s head until it’s all she can hear. 

That’s when Toni does what she’s always done best.

She runs. 

…

Shelby isn’t sure how much time has passed, but the sun is significantly lower in the sky, and the days’ heat has only increased, and Toni still hasn’t come back. 

She fiddles with the golden cross at her neck, a nervous habit she wishes she could get rid of. 

Ever since Toni’s tantrum earlier, the camp had a stiff aura to it. None of them ever knew how to react when one of the girls went haywire (as they so often did on this godforsaken island). So until things settle back down, the girls continued with their daily chores. 

“How’s the face?” Dot asks, taking a spot on a piece of driftwood next to Shelby. She gestures to the now scabbed over cut from where Toni had hit her. 

Shelby clenches her jaw, but smiles stiffly, “A little sore, but nothin’ a little TLC can’t handle.”

“Damn, the bitch got you good.” Rachel grins as she fills up their water bottles with freshly boiled water. 

She shifts uncomfortably. She knows Rachel means nothing by it, simply trying to lighten the mood, but she can’t help getting frustrated at the language used against her- against Toni. 

“It ain’t so bad, really,” Shelby assures her. 

“That girl sure does have a temper,” Fatin announces, strolling up to camp, Leah and Martha not far behind her. 

Dot looks up at the oncoming group, squinting her eyes through the afternoon sun, “Where the hell have you three been?”

Leah grabs a water bottle, taking a long gulp before wiping her mouth and answering, “We went looking for more food sources. That lychee tree can only sustain us for so long.”

“Find anything?” Rachel asks, settling down next to where her sister is seated, writing quietly in her journal. 

Martha shakes her head, “Not much.”

Fatin rests her head on the broad frame of Leah’s shoulders, “We’ve still got another half of the island to explore though. But that’s for tomorrow, right now Mama needs a foot rub!” She thrusts her legs onto Leah’s lap, who simply shoves her away, a disgusted yet amused look on her face. 

“Any sign of Toni while you were out there?” Shelby asks before she can lose the nerve to. 

Martha sighs, “Nope. I’m sure she’s alright though, it always takes her a while to settle down.”

“I know I know, it’s just- she’s been gone for a while, hasn’t she?” Shelby points out. 

Resting a calm hand on Shelby’s shoulder, Martha assures her, “I’ve been friends with Toni since forever, she’ll come around soon enough. Sometimes all she needs is some alone time to blow off steam.”

With a nod, Shelby looks back towards the fire. Martha is probably right, she knows Toni better than anyone here after all. Still, she can’t help but think about the look on Toni’s face right before she sprinted away into the woods. 

“Since when do you care so much about her anyway?” Rachel asks genuinely. 

Nora nods her head up and down, “Yeah, I thought you two like, hated each other.”

Shelby straightens, silently thanking the sunburn on her face for obscuring the blush she no doubt has. 

“I just- we don’t,” She bites her lip in frustration. It would be so easy to just tell them what’s going on between the two of them. They wouldn’t judge her. Heck, they’d probably even rejoice in knowing Shelby isn’t actually a homophobic bitch. 

Instead, though, she says, “Am I not allowed to be worried? Who knows what kind of predators are out there!”

For a split second, she makes eye contact with Fatin, who is staring at her intently, almost as if she’s attempting to draw the truth from Shelby’s lips. 

Shelby looks away immediately in favor of wrapping her arms tightly around her knees. 

“Look,” Dot says, “If she isn’t back soon we’ll send out a search party or something, sound good?”

Shelby shrugs but doesn’t argue, she knows it’s the best compromise she’ll get. 

...

As the evening drudges along, the worry in Shelby’s chest grows. 

What if Toni got lost on her way back to camp? What if she’s slipped on a rock and hurt herself? What if some terrifying beast is tracking her this very second, waiting for the perfect opportunity to-

“You know if you make the same face long enough it’ll stick forever?” Fatin asks, startling Shelby out of her whirlwind of thoughts, “I mean, I’m pretty sure a pageant queen like you doesn’t want to be stuck looking like Oscar the Grouch for the rest of her life.”

Shelby snorts and shuffles over, offering Fatin a place to sit beside her. “Yeah well, I’m not too sure how many pageants I’m going to be participating in after all this.” She waves vaguely at the matted mess that is her hair. 

Fatin’s smile is replaced with a stern look, “For real though,” she says, “Are you ok?”

Shelby shifts uncomfortably with a slight shake of her head, “I’m worried about her.”

Fatin gives her hand a friendly squeeze, “Hey, you heard what Martha said earlier, I’m sure she’ll come around soon enough.”

“I know it’s just,” Shelby takes a breath, “...I don’t know all of this is so new to me. I don’t want to mess it up by not being there for her.”

“Shelby, giving someone alone time when they need it isn’t the same as abandoning them,” Fatin says, “But talking never hurt anyone either. Communication is key to a healthy relationship you know.”

She shoots her a sideways look, “So what, are you some sort of love guru now?”

Fatin throws her head back with laughter, “What can I say, I know my shit.” She leans in, “Plus if I’m being honest, you and Toni are the most exciting thing to happen in this place since Leah had her whole ‘crazy bitch era.’” 

Shelby feels her ears grow warm, offering Fatin a nervous smile. 

“I think you should go talk to her,” Fatin tells her, clapping her on the back, “but hey, that’s just me.”

Eventually, after a few more minutes of pondering, Shelby decides Fatin is right and sets off to find Toni. 

…

There’s no rhyme or reason to where Toni is running, but eventually, she finds herself at the waterfall where they collect their water and decides to stay there for the rest of the day, or the rest of the night. Fuck she wants to stay there forever, it’s the only place where the others are safe from her. 

At first, she attempts to settle down by taking a swim, but after a few minutes of frustrated splashing, Toni decides against it. 

She spends the rest of the day on a ledge overlooking the lake, running the events of that morning over and over in her head. 

She hates herself for what she did to Shelby, hates herself for even being so cross in the first place. 

Maybe she’ll just live in the forest for the rest of her life. It’ll keep her from having to face the disappointed look on Shelby’s face, keep her from facing the inevitable end of this delicate thing they’d built between each other. 

She’s picking at the roughened callouses on her feet when a clatter in the bush behind her catches her attention. 

Before she can think about what the cause of the noise may be, a blonde head peaks it’s way out from the thicket. 

“Thought I’d find you here,” Shelby says. Her voice sounds calm, but Toni can never really tell with her. 

The Texan chuckles uncomfortably, “Well, okay, maybe not. I’ve kinda been looking for you for like an hour…” Her sentence trails off as if waiting for Toni to break in with some snide remark. She doesn’t though, leaving the two of them in awkward silence. 

Shelby exhales and takes a seat on the ledge next to Toni, close enough so she can feel the warmth of her skin, but careful not to touch.

“We need to talk,” Shelby says after a moment. 

Toni closes her eyes. There is it. Those four faithful words she knows the meaning of all too well. The same words her mother uttered to her that night when she told her she’d be leaving. Those same words foster parent after foster parent would set her down to tell her when the time came and they didn’t want her anymore. Those same words Regan had whispered to her the night they broke up. Yes, Toni knows those words very well indeed. 

This is why Toni looks up in surprise when Shelby says:

“I was really worried about you today.”

Toni blinks. Is this some cruel set up? Break her down only to tear her heart apart in the end? It wouldn’t be the first time someone did it to her. 

“You don’t need to worry about me Shelby, I’m fine.”

Shelby grabs Toni’s hand in hers, and that’s all it takes to break down the walls Toni had so carefully constructed around herself. 

“I’m serious Toni.” Shelby tells her, “What happened today?”

She shakes her head, “I don’t know Shelby,” she says, voice low, “It just- sometimes it just comes out of nowhere and I don’t know how to stop and- and then I-” Toni meets Shelby’s eyes, her own filling with unshed tears, “I’m sorry.”

“Come here.” Is all Shelby has to say before Toni crumples into her arms. “It’s alright, I’m here.” She whispers, “I’ve got you, you’re okay.” 

Tears run down her sweat-stained face, dampening Shelby’s shirt. Toni can’t remember the last time she let someone hold her like this. She can’t remember the last time she’d ever shown so much weakness. 

Eventually, the tears subside, and Toni pulls back. 

“Fuck, sorry.” She mumbles, “That was a lot, I didn’t mean to, uh- shit your shirt-”

“Toni, it’s fine,” Shelby assures her. 

She wipes the snot from her nose with a jerky nod. 

It takes a moment for Toni to calm her shaky breathing. 

“I shouldn’t have acted like I did this morning,” Toni admits.

Shelby makes a face as if to say, ‘yeah, you think?’

Toni rolls her eyes, sometimes the girl’s just so insufferable. 

“You have this spark,” Shelby says, “and hell, it’s one of the things I like most about you. But you let it consume you Toni, and when a spark is left uncontroled…”

“It starts a fire.” She finishes for her.

Shelby smiles sadly, “Exactly.”

Toni lets out a long sigh, “I really thought I was doing better, y’know. Guess that shits in the gutter now, huh?”

Shelby considers this for a moment. She smirks, “Yeah well, I’m not too sure the old Toni would’ve even let me talk to her without stormin’ off or something, so it looks to me like you’ve made at least a little progress.”

Toni shoves her affectionately, allowing a grateful smile to grace her lips for only a split second.

Then Shelby’s gaze darkens, and Toni’s heart drops. 

“You don’t get to take your anger out on us anymore though, you hear?” She says, voice steady.

Her chest tightens, “Shelby it was an accident, didn’t mean to shove you-”

“I know.” She says, “But you can’t go around hittin’ your girlfriend every time you get angry.”

Toni shakes her head, “No, of course, I know that-” she blinks, “Wait, my what?”

Shelby attempts at a smirk, but it looks more like a timid grin to Toni.

“You mean we’re still- still together?” Toni asks hopefully.

Shelby’s eyebrows shoot up, “Why the hell wouldn’t we be?” 

She says it with so much confusion that Toni can’t help the giggle that lets loose from her chest. 

After a moment’s hesitation, Shelby joins in, and soon their both laughing their asses off until tears form in their eyes and their cheeks hurt from smiling so much. 

“So,” Toni says once they’ve settled down, “girlfriend, huh?”

Shelby bites her lip, “Don’t let it go to your head or I’ll take it back.”

“What?” Toni asks with a faux offense, “You wouldn’t dare.”

“Oh I would, don’t test me Shalifoe.” Shelby teases.

Toni smirks, “Too late, you already said it, it’s out in the universe now. The universe doesn’t accept refunds.”

Shelby scoffs.

“Shelby Goodkind is my girlfriend!” Toni shouts her words echoing throughout the surrounding cliffside.

Shelby giggles, “Say that one more time and I’m pushin’ you into that lake!”

“Bet.” Is all Toni says before she yells twice as loud, “Shelby Goodkind is my-!”

And then she’s falling, and there’s a rush of cold as she splashes into the water below. 

“Oh fuck you!” Toni exclaims when she reaches the surface.

“Keep it in your pants!” Shelby yells, and then she’s plunging headfirst into the lake as well.

“I hate you,” Toni tells her once she resurfaces. 

Shelby swims over to her, “No you don’t.” She says softly, and then her lips are on Toni’s and every thought in her head disappears.

She isn’t sure the thrill of kissing Shelby Goodkind will ever fade, not that it’s much of a complaint on her part. Her lips are chapped and it’s a little hard to keep her head above the water, but Toni’s heart is hammering in her chest and Shelby’s hands are cupping her face, and she supposes this is the closest to heaven she’s ever going to get. 

Toni pulls Shelby closer until there’s not even enough space for water to pass through between them. It’s been a few days since they got alone time like this together, and Toni will be damned if she’s going to pass it up. 

Shelby lets out a breathy laugh when Toni’s fingers grace the waistline of her shorts. 

“Slow your roll tiger,” She grins, “This is the water we drink if you haven’t forgotten.”

Toni feels herself go bright red, “Oh right, yeah sorry. Got a little carried away I guess.”

Shelby looks down at her in wonder, as if the fact that she has such an effect on Toni is totally out of this world. 

They’re leaning in to kiss again when a shout comes from across the quarry. 

“Hey, you two better not be fucking down there!” Yells Fatin.

Toni somehow breaks her attention away from the girl in front of her to look in the direction of Fatin’s voice.

“There you guys are!” Dot shouts from the shoreline where she and the rest of the girls stand, “We were starting to worry.”

Toni shrugs, “Just came for a quick dip.”

Shelby smiles, “Waters real nice and warm today.”

Rachel rubs her hands together, “Say no more!” She responds before diving in, perfect form and all. 

Not long after that, all the girls are splashing and laughing with delight.

And if anyone notices the way Toni and Shelby are holding hands beneath the lakes surface, no one says a word.


End file.
